


Is He Crazy or Just  in Love? Probably Both

by Zaryav



Series: A Fanfiction as a Guide to Love [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bad Flirting, First Crush, First Love, First Meetings, Idiots in Love, Jared helps Evan with Connor, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Secret Crush, They are a mess in love, but it's not really secret, jared kleinman writes fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:16:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24931405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaryav/pseuds/Zaryav
Summary: Evan's in love with Connor Murpy, but is convinced that his friend is straight. Which is a big problem because Connor's in love with Evan, but he thinks he doesn't like him."I don't have a girlfriend, Evan.""You.. not...?"Connor laughs. "I am gay, Hansen.""Oh ..." Evan says when he turns to see Connor.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Heidi Hansen/Jeremy Heere's Father, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Series: A Fanfiction as a Guide to Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838962
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	Is He Crazy or Just  in Love? Probably Both

**Author's Note:**

> So I was writing this as my first One Shot with more than two thousand words and it was very difficult, I hope it isn't horrible.

There are many things capable of disturbing Evan Hansen's tranquility. On a scale of one to five are social relationships and their serious difficulties in articulating a correct word in front of anyone, from one to ten it could perhaps be gym class and everything that involves a public shower and on a scale of One through twenty-six was that during high school they hid their clothes in the showers after training. But if there was one thing that took the prize, it was having to put up with his roommate.

Jared Kleinman. Jared, an old friend of the family, in the words of Jared himself, who spent his free time flirting awkwardly with any girl on the face of the Earth or simply locked in his room away from any ray of sunlight playing video games.

Actually, if Evan were to analyze Jared's personality, he would get the almost assured fact that he is the type of guy who is into parties drinking all the alcohol he thinks he can handle and then throwing up in a pot, or maybe He's the type to enjoy fooling around with nonsense like his absurd 'Cow and Chicken' patterned skateboard. Or because of how whiny Jared is, he could also be at some club about 'Talk all your shit and get out of here like a new man.'

But he isn't, because Jared is watching TV all the time and he never takes cartoons off unless they're giving a bad teen comedy movie.

"The player over there," he points to the background and Evan turns his gaze to the television set because he assumes he's speaking to him. "What his name?"

"I think his name is Jake Rogers," says Evan because he has watched this movie with his mother at least ten times before deciding that teen comedies were not his style.

"Jake Rogers" Jared whispers the name and a sly smile is painted on his face. "I bet you whatever you want to go out with the strange hair guy back there."

Evan snorts and denies.

"If he went out with his best friend I would already know."

Jared shrugs and laughs so outrageously that he prefers to ignore it.

The problem is that the actors have been dating for at least a decade and Jared was right.

"You don't even realize when someone is interested in you, your gay radar is useless shit on that rusty brain, product of too much pornography."

Jared points a salt-filled finger at him before shoving a handful of potato chips into his mouth.

"I'm pretty sure brains d-don't rust." Evan babbles quietly. "And you see more porn-pornography than I do."

"You agreed to watch pornography." Jared hums.

_And yeah._

That's Jared, his idiotic roommate who won't let him sleep at night because he makes strange noises from his desk, and Evan prays that he's not in the same room that someone is occupying to jerk off with cheap porn.

Cheap porn sold by Connor Murphy, the guy in the front room.

It's not even porn, and don't ask how she knows it.

But you may be wondering, why are you telling me this? And well, the truth is that Evan is doing all this telling about his hatred, which is not really hatred, towards Jared Kleinman, his roommate because he's outside his room and it's eight o'clock at night and it's almost the touch curfew. And his fear isn't because his stepfather is the vice principal, of course not, but his stepfather is thecvice principal and if the prefect calls him to report an incident that is not about Jeremy making false profiles of girls on Instagram to obtain a Netflix account of men and then sell them with his friend Michael, he'll surely kill him.

Or he'll call his mother and she will believe he is doing it again.

She will believe that he is on the same high school stage and his stepfather will take him to live with him.

"Were you left outside again?" Evan can hear the carols ringing in his head (it's the most angelic music he can remember right now) and nods as what he would rate, a moron after a minute without saying anything else. "I have a key to that room, I can give it to you ... if you want."

He shakes his head from side to side looking for an answer from his brain.

"Uh, yeah, if that's not a p-problem or s-something, please- ahm, thanks."

Connor nods and gestures for me to follow him to his room. Evan doesn't want to look like a nervous idiot and follows him casually.

Or what seems like a bad imitation of Bambi walking for the first time.

Jelly legs and sweaty hands. And a lot of "don't think of sweaty hands. Don't think of sweaty hands or they will start to sweat" mentally.

Connor's room is a room that he would define as ... peculiar. There is a pizza box on the bed and the clothes are spread all over the room. Evan wanders his gaze until he sees the drawer from which he deduces is the place in his underwear where a boxer peeks out which is enough to make Evan blush.

There are so many 'Mother Mother' posters and old Rock and Roll bands he ever saw in his mother's belongings boxes that Evan mentally notes which groups to start listening to.

Connor stops across the room, rummages in a box hidden under the desk, and pulls out a key with a keychain of what Evan recognizes is the symbol of Overwatch.

"My room used to be 302, so I have this because I forgot to hand over the key." Connor shrugs and reaches out to him without looking him in the eye. "Take it."

Evan whispers a "thanks" that he prays it didn't sound like a high-pitched screech.

Although he knows that he did.

"Anytime, Hansen."

Connor says nothing as he smiles hidden behind some strands of his hair, Evan imitates him doing everything possible to avoid Connor's gaze that makes him sweat with nerves. Because all he wants to do is run his fingers through the strands of brown hair.

He watches the keychain in his hand for a few seconds before speaking again: "Do you play this?"

Evan points to the hanging object in his hand.

Connor smiles crossing his arms. "I do it when I'm too bored. Do you know it?"

Evan blushes nodding.

"Yes, I play it all the time." He shakes his head from side to side quickly. He hasn't played in months, he left his old Xbox at home and anyway they only had an old television that still worked with an antenna. "I-I mean, before, uh...with Jared. Jared is uhm- he's my roommate." Connor snorted.

"I know him, he's an asshole." Evan laughs and Connor does the same, but Evan can't help but think that Connor does a thousand times better. And by God, Evan would give everything to hear that laugh every day of his life. "Maybe you should come one day, we could play around for a while."

The warmth in Connor's voice made him relax. This was the strange feeling his infatuation left for him. Connor was so capable of reassuring and exalting him at the same time that Evan considered the option of going insane.

He didn't know what was happening to him and his little experience in romantic matters didn't help much.

Was he crazy or just in love?

Probably both, he had no idea.

"That sounds good, I mean, only if you're okay with that, of course."

Connor rolls his eyes again and a slight smile that weakens Evan's self-control is drawn on his face. "Okay Hansen, that's why I invited you, okay?" He nods.

  
Evan leaves the room and has trouble with the key because his hand is shaking and he can't fit it in the lock. When he finally succeeds, he doesn't hesitate to rush in so that he can breathe easy again.

His chest rises and falls as if his heart is too big right now to stay inside of him.

He hangs his backpack on the coat rack and grabs a shoe, ready to hit Jared for leaving him out of the room, because he probably didn't hear him for turning the volume too high in his headphones.

Though he's not really there when Evan comes in.

Jared is not in the room.

Then he remembers that Jared told him that he would go out to see his family for two days.

Oups.

 _The things that people forget are ironic._

He doesn't give it more laps and sits on the desk to use the computer and finish his homework. The first thing he finds is an open folder and he curses Jared for his bad habits of never properly turning off devices.

He is closing all open windows and programs until there is something interesting.

Evan is what people would define as extremely curious. So it doesn't stop when a Word file named **"Connor Murphy x Evan Hansen"** appears in front of him.

_And oh no, he doesn't remember writing something like that._

He also doesn't drink alcohol, so there's no way this is a mistake caused by being drunk.

His fingers tickle with curiosity, and although he feels like he's putting his values in the trash for not respecting Jared's privacy, he does. Open the file and, no real problem, right? Technically because it's his name that's on file and that's like a permission for him, right?

He's double click and the first thing he see is the title in Pink letters with a font other than "Arial", and you are surprised to see that Jared knows other fonts, or that he even cares about fixing a text in word, in general.

**'Put the title here when I have one.'**

"What is this?" There's a strange grimace on his face and he starts to slide the mouse to lower the screen.

> **Actually, Connor Murphy doesn't usually use Post-it for anything other than stupid penis drawings that he can't help but throw at the teacher during chemistry class, and the mental notes are probably only used to score slightly more real penises.**
> 
> **But even if he doesn't use the mental notes, he does know how to remember an attractive or minimally cute boy when he manages to capture his attention, especially when this "cute boy" is dressed as Remus Lupin of Harry Potter, who isn't very secretly the partner of Sirius Black, Or at least it's who Connor thinks he should have stayed with, because they were damn obvious.**
> 
> **So he has these girls who, after asking him for a photo, beg him to go with this blond guy and do fanservice, but he can't just come and do something like: "Hello, can we grope so that these girls can take pictures of us that could or not end up in some porn page? What? No, no, no. I don't watch porn.**

Evan closes the laptop as fast as possible. His face is hot and his heart is racing.

He cannot continue reading without feeling that shame is eating him alive. Because the last thing that crossed his mind was that he could be a character in a Fanfiction and much less than Jared Kleinman, his family friend, the boy who ignored him all the seventh and eighth grade would write it for some strange reason.

And without a doubt the strangest thing about all this is that Connor Murphy, the handsome boy in the opposite room was in something strange with him. Or at least that according to the title.

Evan had a lot of questions to ask Jared as soon as he got back from his parents' house. Especially if his terrible crush on Connor was so damn obvious.

Because if Jared had noticed, then probably a lot of people did too.

_And probably Connor too..._

* * *

Evan searches for the alarm clock with dubious knocks. It's four-thirty on a Saturday morning after two horrible weeks of project and test handover and he doesn't know in the name of fucking hell why he's awake.

"Not now, please." Evan mutters, his face pressed against the pillow. He has waited to sleep all week and now his insomnia decided to attack and ruin his life.

Evan turns in bed for what seems like ten minutes without getting back to sleep and then decides to do the most logical thing according to his experience.

He puts on a sweatshirt and changes his pajama pants for a pair of sweatpants and a pair of tennis shoes.

He needed to go for a walk.

Usually he did this when he couldn't go back to sleep. This was the best way to get tired to go back to bed.

He is about to start walking when he meets Connor Murphy walking in his direction. He's wearing a yellow jacket, which is amazing because he's only seen him wear black for as long as he can remember. But he is convinced that yellow is his color.

Naturally as anyone with an incredible crush on a clearly straight man would, Evan feels tense and very, very nervous when Connor Murphy comes to his side with his hands inside the pockets of his skinny jeans and his hair totally messed up by the strong draft.

"Hey," says Connor.

Which is enough to move everything inside Evan.

"H-Hi." Evan smiles with what is more like a wince. And he knows that was scary, yet Connor doesn't run away scared.

"Do you go for a walk every morning?" Connor asks, letting out a cloud of cold smoke. Evan of course doesn't listen, Connor is tucking a strand of hair behind his ear and that's so ... unbelievable that Evan swears that he could have muttered a rather pathetic 'wow' and is that, he's a ridiculous schoolgirl in love, you remember?

"Uh, yeah ..." It's evident that Connor leaves Evan without enough air to survive and needs to calm down. "No, God, I don't. S-sometimes when I can't sleep, I go for a walk. But I'm not this fit guy who goes out every day as a routine and er, I think that kind of, pretty obvious, or I-I don't know, I just- I'm not used to going out like this. "

"That's fine. I also get used to being hit by insomnia on my worst days." Connor shrugs and lets out a cloud of smoke, this time from a cigarette.

To Evan that seems strangely ... hot. Evan actually hates the smell of the cigarette, he's not what people call a scent buff and thinks it's not a good thing for Connor's health, but the guy seems so calm, doing it in an almost natural move, and Who would say that something as banal as opening your mouth would be so mesmerizing?

Evan never imagined watching Connor's Adam's apple rise and fall with such dedication.

Yet here it is and Connor has this strange smile decorated with a blush that Evan credits the cold weather.

"Would you like to ... walk together?" Connor speaks.

"You and I!?" Connor nods calmly. "Yeah, that's super good yeah, rigth! ... I-I mean, yeah, ugh please?"

"Great."

Connor positions himself next to him to begin walking in what Evan supposes Connor hopes that he'll guide them. He never guides anything, he's the type that follows people, however Connor doesn't start walking until he does.

Evan mentally punches himself, three clean slaps to come to his senses because he can't absolutely ruin this moment. Connor Murphy, the incredibly handsome boy who helped him with his luggage the first day and who told him right away that he was welcome in his room whenever he wanted and made him feel welcome for the first time in his life with that voice that had no trace of pity for the pathetic college kid with no social experience or ability.

He was ... too pathetic.

"Did you hit Kleinman for leaving you out again?"

The mere mention of Jared is enough for Evan to enter a terrible memory moment. And all he see is that disturbing fanfiction written by his roommate.

> **Connor decides to walk to the blond boy who has the most lost expression he has ever seen.**
> 
> **"Hello," says Connor holding out his hand. "I'm Connor, and you?"**
> 
> **The boy turns completely red before answering. "I am Evan Hansen."**
> 
> **Connor smiles, Evan appears to be nervous, but aware of the fact that he is dressed the same as Sirius Black.**
> 
> **"Listen, these girls are paying us to do some Fanservice. You're dressed like Remus Lupin and I'm like a great fan of that couple around here and-**

"WHAT?" Ask at an inhuman and very screeching volume. "S-orry, sorry, sorry. That was so weird ugh- no, I remembered that uhm ... well, I forgot that Jared was going to see his family."

"And he didn't leave you a key?" Evan denies.

"Jared lost his key at the start of classes and sometimes he takes my keys."

"He sounds like a fucking roomate."

"It's not that bad ... sometimes we watch movies together and it's actually the closest thing I have to a friend." Evan has an awkward laugh when he finishes explaining one of the most pathetic situations in his life. _"Come on,"_ he says to himself mentally. _"Why don't you tell him once that you've never kissed anyone and that you're in love with him?"_

"That sucks." Connor says. "I used to have this friend, who really wasn't, he used to hide things in me and I used put my need for human interaction in him. Never do that."

"Sometimes it's hard to be alone... you know?"

Connor laughs, the same bitter laugh that Evan heard when a beautiful girl came out of his room fuming from her head. Connor looked so angry that day.

"I don't have a roommate because everyone thinks I'm a murderer, a potential psycho." Connor refuses by squeezing the cigarette between his fingers. "They don't even know me, it's just the gossip of some asshole."

"I don't think that at all, you're very nice. I know it's not like we're recurring friends- or that we're not even friends, but you've been the kindest person I've ever interacted with." Evan shakes his head, shaking it from side to side. "I know that doesn't sound like... like much because I barely speak to two people a day, but ...but you were good to me even though you didn't know me. A potential murderer wouldn't have done that."

Connor makes an uncertain face, as if he doesn't understand what he's talking about. Of course he didn't remember helping Evan. Connor wasn't a weird guy who remembers every social interaction that happens in his life, much less with someone as irrelevant as Evan Hansen.

"Of course I knew you." Connor whispers fixing his gaze on the trees that are seen in the distance of the huge garden.

"You ... what? Really?"

There's a blush on Connor's cheeks, but Evan attributes it to the cold lashing out at their faces again because what else could it be?

"Yes ..." The boy laughs, expelling smoke from his pale lips. "I saw you in the vice principal's office once. You have a hard face to forget, Hansen."

That sends all the blood to Evan's face. A blush covers it completely to the tips of the ears. And it's as if the weather has gotten hot because Evan starts to sweat.

"Was that to get benefits for helping the vice principal's son?" Evan jokes. But you know from the surprised expression on Connor's face that it didn't sound like a joke.

"Is your dad the vice principal? I swear to you for the life of me that I had no idea."

"I was just... kidding, sorry." Evan steps forward to apologize. "He is my stepfather, he married my mother a few years ago. I also have a stepbrother."

"Wow, that's good, that your mother got love again, you know."

"Yes ... my dad abandoned us when I was seven years old."

The smile disappears. "I'm sorry about that, Evan."

Evan shrugs. "I don't care anymore, you know? My stepfather is great and Jeremy is a good brother, I-I didn't grow up with one, and he was- they have been great, and my mom loves them."

There is a moment of silence where they continue walking without a specific direction just like at the beginning. Evan thinks he dropped the conversation and that Connor will say goodbye soon to return to the bedroom. However he doesn't.

Connor Murphy, the boy with whom he has been in love for seven months, clasps his hands. At first they are cold and send an icy current through his body, but after that it no longer matters because he's holding his hands and there doesn't seem to be anyone who has forced him to.

"It's getting very cold out here, we should go back."

"Yes."

* * *

Jared appears Monday with a huge bag that Evan had never seen before.

"Your mother sent it. There's something for Jeremy too." Jared drops the bag on Evan's chest and throws himself onto his own bed.

"What is this?"

"Why would I know? It's not like I've opened it." Evan gives him a special look, the one that says 'I know you did it' and Jared rolls his eyes. Because of course he did. "It's just a boring book about more boring trees and that new version of 'Apocalypse of the Damned' for Jeremy and Michael."

"Thank you." Evan says. "I'm going to text Jeremy to come with Michael for this."

"Are we having a gay orgy now?" Evan's face turns red and his mouth opens to the ground.

"Jared!"

The boy with the glasses laughs. A scandalous and mocking laugh.

"It wouldn't be a complete gay orgy without our star, the great Murphy around here."

Then Evan remembers it. That horrible Fanfiction Jared wrote about him and Connor. And Evan didn't even know if that thing fell under the definition of Fanfiction.

Because he wasn't famous or whatever and who would go to any lengths to do anything about him anyway? His life is the opposite of interesting.

"I read it." He says.

He is direct.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jared asks while playing on his cell phone without worrying about taking his eyes off the screen.

"You ... that about ugh, that thing about Connor and ..." Evan points at himself. Jared's eyes widen more than ever, the glasses even fall on his face.

"I didn't write it, that was your journal."

Evan twists his mouth.

"Why would I write a story where Connor cosplays Sirius Black?"

"Because do you have that kind of fantasy? I don't know, Evan." Jared's face is red, he had never seen him so flushed.

Evan sits on the edge of Jared's bed. "Why did you write that about us?"

Jared sighs. "I don't know, okay?" The boy stands up playing with his hands. "I was bored and I did this when I was fourteen."

"Did you write Fanfiction at fourteen?"

"I was very obsessed with that stupid Harry Potter couple, Harry and Ginny." Evan laughs.

"Did you write Hinny?" Jared huffs.

"Yes, what else could it be?"

"I don't know, Dean and Seamus made more sense than Hinny." Jared puts a hand on his indignant chest before pointing an accusing finger at him.

"You are not offending Hinny, Evan Hansen. I am warning you."

Evan wants to talk about how he came to think of Draco Malfoy as the Harry Potter couple, but that's not important now. And that would only give Jared a point.

"Why him? And especially... why me?" Jared runs a hand over his entire face in frustration.

"I don't know, Evan, because you two are damned obvious." Evan opens and closes his mouth several times in an attempt to say something, whatever, like, deny that this is happening, but nothing comes out of his mouth. "I have seen you in the hall a few times, I have also heard you. It's the main reason why I leave you outside."

Evan remains silent, not moving beyond playing with the hem of his shirt.

"W-why do he keep talking to me if I'm so obvious?" His voice is a whisper, hardly noticeable to anyone, but not to Jared who is used to this after so many years of friendship with this boy.

"Because he likes you? I told you, you're both extremely obvious. I just need a toothpick to cut this strange sexual tension."

Evan cannot believe that when he thinks he has reached the highest levels of blushing, a new situation appears to show him that he can always feel more embarrassed.

"Do you remember Michael's party?" Evan denies.

"I wasn't there."

"You don't, but I do. And I saw things, Evan." Jared's eyebrows move suggestively. "Connor talked to Rich, this little guy from the movie club about this cute blond boy in his bedroom."

"There are a million blonde people around here, and Connor isn't ... doesn't like boys." Scratch his head. "I think he has a girlfriend."

Jared laughs. "Connor Homo Murphy with a girlfriend? Jesus Christ, I've known him for years, the guy has never touched a person who identifies herself as a woman."

"I saw a girl come out of her room a few weeks ago."

"Maybe he is not gay." Jared says sarcastically, but it seems to be more of a thought to himself. "Okay, well, I'll help you see that gay or non-gay Connor Murphy is in love with you."

"But Jared, your only proof is that he likes someone blond and that doesn't say anything."

"If you don't believe me it's your problem, but when you are having a crazy sex night you will think about me and how I was always right."

"Uagh." He wrinkles his nose.

Evan wants to contradict him because he will never have sex, much less sex with Connor because even if there was a small chance that Connor liked boys, those guys didn't include Evan, no one with a little common sense would find Evan attractive.

* * *

Everyone was talking about Connor Murphy. The man you go to when you're looking for special porn.

Anyone who didn't know him could imagine this Connor Murphy as the nerdy stereotype on television, but when Evan first knew who they talked about so much, he simply couldn't believe it.

How was it possible that the half-angel boy who had helped him a few weeks ago was the same weirdo in porn?

The thing is, Evan is in his first year, it's the first time he's lived away from home. He has no friends beyond Michael, but Michael doesn't count because he is his brother's best friend and is more a friendship by relationship.

And he has a little free time.

During his free time he spent most of the hours in the back garden of his bedroom. The gods had mercy on Evan and that allowed him a place in the last building, so big trees grew in the garden just behind the fence.

That was Evan's favorite place.

And it was there that he saw him.

A slim silhouette, long, silky, wavy hair. Pale skin and black color everywhere.

Evan thinks of this boy as Victor from 'The Corpse of the Bride', at least only in the essence aspect, because this boy is much more attractive and mysterious, from the aspect of-

"Did you lose something?" The question is annoying, the voice doesn't seek to be pleasant.

_Oh no._

_Evan has been watching._

He has been looking at this boy for a long period of time and he realized it.

"Not me, no- I was looking at you, not consciously. I didn't want to look at you- I mean, not because I have a problem with you, I just know that it's kind of strange that they look at you and so because we don't know each other and it would be strange if I did. .. would do. "

Little Evan who lives in his mind kicks him.

"Did someone send you?"

"What? No, of course not. No one did. I'm here for the uh, for the ... trees." Aim for the huge oak trees behind the boy. He doesn't bother turning around.

"I thought you were looking for me to buy fucking porn." The way the boy talks indicates to Evan that people have searched for him before for this, but contrary to sounding happy about getting money, he sounds tired.

"Why would I buy pornography? There's the internet." A smile is drawn on the boy, a nice smile, he notes, but Evan clears his head. "I mean, I don't watch pornography at all, it's just ... I m-mean this is not the 80's or something, I would just... ugh, I would just search the internet ... if I hypothetically wanted to. But I don't."

"That's what I think." Connor taps his shoulder carefully in a game. Evan didn't notice when he got so close. "I don't sell pornography, I'm a photographer, not professionally or whatever, but I take photos and people around here create rumors."

Evan knows what that is like, after all he was the victim of rumors from upper grade boys during his high school years.

That Jared confirmed those rumors indirectly didn't help much.

"I know how that is." He whispers stroking her arm up and down in a gesture of self-comfort.

"Sentimental masturbation," Jared would say, followed by his nasal laugh.

"Just don't think that rumor is real. Because it isn't at all."

Evan tries his best not to smile like an idiot when Connor's hand wraps his shoulder in a friendly grip.

"No, I never would."

"I'm Connor, by the way, Connor Murphy."

Evan reaches out to take Connor's hand in greeting, but stops as the thought of his sweaty hand touching Connor crosses his mind.

Because something like that could ruin everything. Connor would believe that he's a filthy person and would yell at him how sticky his hand is believing that it is any other substance and then he would never speak to him again, which would honestly break Evan's heart.

Then he wipes his hand on his pants.

Which is gross.

Connor is watching him when Evan looks back at the front.

"I'm Evan, Evan Hansen."

Connor smiles with red cheeks.

"Room 302, right?"

* * *

"Jeremy, my man!" Jared's voice is present in the room at too high a volume for Evan's liking. "My friend Connor here and I are ready for the party."

"Uh, yeah, go ahead. But this is not a party, Jared."

Jared waves his hand and pushes Jeremy aside to enter the room.

Things are on the table and there's no going back. Evan doesn't understand how five teens can fit in a dorm room, doesn't understand why Jared is here with Connor and why they haven't killed each other yet.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Jared begins. "Shall we rent cheap porn? Fraternity war? Evan here suggested a gay orgy a few weeks ago."

"I do not-!" Evan lowers his voice when he realizes he yelled and everyone is looking at him. "I didn't do any of that, Jared!"

Jared laughs with that nasal voice that put Evan's nerves at their highest.

"To be straight you think a lot about gay sex." Connor says opening up to the conversation for the first time since he arrived and naturally all eyes fall on him. Michael is the one who laughs first.

"I'm just trying to get some people out of that horrible moldy hiding place out there." Evan blushes when Jared's gaze is positioned on him in an unobtrusive way. There's a fraction of a second where Connor's gaze lingers on him too, looking at him in a different way. If Evan didn't know him well enough he would think Connor seems to be afraid of something.

But Connor was not the type to be afraid.

Connor was the bravest person he had ever met after his mother.

Evan does everything possible to flee from these gazes that are uncovering his most private secrets. His crush on Connor may be too obvious, but if there is even the slightest chance that Connor won't know it, he will go out of his way to preserve his secret deep within him.

However no one is paying enough attention to this. It's just a bad joke from Jared to the rest of the teens, so Evan should relax, right?

Evan must relax, it can't be that difficult.

Michael sticks his tongue out showing the blue color in his mouth from the palette he was eating. Jeremy laughs when he puts a finger on Michael's tongue and he walks away making a disgusted sound that only causes more laughter from Jared and Jeremy.

"Dude, show your tongue again."

"No, you won't put that thing on my tongue again."

"He didn't say that last night, did you, Jeremy?" Jared elbows Jeremy who stops laughing and starts coughing because he almost chokes on his own candy.

Michael punches him on the back, ignoring the blush on his face.

Jared watches satisfied. And the three continue playing until they decide to turn on the console and play completely ignoring the silent pair that are Evan and Connor in the back of the room.

"Nice shirt," he said smiling at him.

Evan instinctively looked down. He wasn't wearing anything good, it was just his second favorite shirt and in fact it was pretty worn out already. It was just a blue plaid shirt without two buttons.

"Uhm, thanks." He says because what else he supposed to do?

Neither says anything else after that. The boys' insults are the only thing that fills the room. Michael complains that Jared cheated, and then yells because Jeremy is already beating Jared in scoring.

He takes a deep breath as you roll up the fabric of your

"Your yellow sweatshirt is too" He closed his eyes pressing his lips tightly. "Like, all your clothes are cute, I mean, it's not like I've looked at all your er, clothes, but yellow is a good color. You look... uh, you look good on it."

There is no immediate response, which doesn't help to relax him. Then he moves his hands uncomfortably not knowing where to really put them. He does a test with interlocking his fingers, but they start to sweat incredibly fast and then he just leaves them on his thighs.

"Really?"

"Yes, it was ... you looked good."

And then it does. Connor blushes. Evan wants to say to himself that it is not because of him, that it is not because of what he said because he does not bring blushes to cute boys, but there is no weather that puts his face this bright color and doubts that Connor has a fever.

"Thanks Evan."

"Take that damn son of a bitch!" Jeremy jumps in place, bumping a fist with Michael.

"Jeremy, language."

"Sorry, mom."

* * *

"Have you written any more Fanfiction about Connor?" Evan asks putting his lunch on the desk. Jared rolls his eyes.

"It was a one time thing, Hansen, get over it."

Evan laughs. "I will not do it."

"Fine, I'll send it to Connor so he can laugh too." Evan's face turns pale.

"Don't do that!" Jared smirks. "He would kill me if he saw something like that between him and me."

"Why would he does that? He would probably kiss you right then." He denies. Connor would never kiss him. "Can you put a little faith in me? Or, failing that, can you put a little faith in yourself?"

"I'm just getting tired of you saying there's a chance he likes me! You're starting to convince me, b-but I know he isn't. Someone like Connor could n-never like someone as inept and ugly as I am."

Jared sits on the edge of his bed being at the height of Evan who is sitting at the desk. "Listen, I don't like being the sentimental type ... but you're not inept and you're not ugly, either, man." He puts a hand on Evan's knee. "Your mother is proud of you, Mr. Heere, Jeremy, Michael, and I are, too. If in an alternate world I wasn't incredibly bright Connor would be a bad taste jerk if he didn't like you."

Evan nods his head down. He realizes that he has been crying over Jared's words.

"I grew up with you, I know how difficult it was for you to move to a little more independent life."

"I still need Jeremy's help ordering food."

"But when you no longer need our help we will be proud to see how far you have progressed. And if Jeremy gets tired of ordering your food, you can always call me... to have Michael order your food." Evan laughs.

"Thanks, Jared."

"Just trust me, I'll show you that I'm right."

* * *

"I'll have to leave you guys in this place. It's a little late and I need to speak to the director. If there's a problem, you know where I am. Good luck, guys." Mister Heere says through the window before starting the car to the main office. Jeremy waves goodbye, Evan watches his cast at all times.

"Do you think Michael has already arrived?"

"Probably yes, their mothers are very punctual." Jeremy nods. He turns around to see the bedrooms.

"I have side C, and you?"

Evan picks up the paper and waves it. "Z side, r-room 302, that's too far ..."

"No problem, I can talk to my dad so he can move us together."

"No, uh- you wanted to be with Michael." Evan smiles. "I can- I want to do this alone."

"I'm going to help you with this first."

"You haven't seen him in three months, I know you're impatient. I can do this alone."

Jeremy struggles for a few seconds, but it's Evan's calm smile that convinces him. "Then I'm leaving. Send me a message when your things are ready." you can come to dinner with us."

"You should go, Mica will be waiting."

"You can come to dinner with us."

"I will do it, thanks. Jeremy."

This was a terrible mistake. This was the third time they kicked their stuff. Although it was a few days before the cast was removed, his arm still ached a little after nine weeks of rest and he couldn't carry a suitcase without feeling pain from hell.

"You can't cry," Evan told himself mentally. "You're an adult, don't cry about everything." The sweat runs down his face, he is flushed and tired, his shoulder begins to tingle with the weight of the second suitcase and he curses last week's Evan for packing so many things. Chances are, half of them were never going to get out of the suitcase or in the worst case, it wouldn't even fit in the room.

He should have considered these things before bringing more than half of his room in two suitcases and a backpack.

He's climbing the second floor when one of his suitcases falls to the first floor and Evan realizes that he will have to go down it if he doesn't want them to start kicking her. He takes air, he needs air.

Hot face, red cheeks, sweaty hands, racing heart.

He's about to have a panic attack.

He wants to cry, he's ridiculous and pathetic and he wants to go home. And why is he not like other people? Why do he has to do this every time something happens? Does him have to be a dramatic disaster all the time?

Evan feels the small tears sting his eyes, his nose feels full of water. She is about to cry. His hands tremble when he reaches his suitcase and a group of boys push his things.

"Don't use that damn camera here, Connor!"

"Fuck you, Larry."

Evan listens to another group of teenagers arrive. He instinctively pushes his things away, before they step on them again, and breaks something important, but this attempt doesn't matter because they still step on his backpack.

"Get moving, shit." There's laughter accompanying the comment.

"Sorry." Evan mutters with his heart in his throat.

"Don't talk to him like that, asshole."

"Don't call me an asshole, you damn weir-"

"I'm going to hit you if you call me that again, fucking stupid." The group of boys backs off and leave. The person who defended him stops his walk in huge black boots in front of him and speaks to him. "Do you need help with that?" Evan raises his head to look at this boy who seems to be addressing him. He blushes when he sees how cute he's.

"Y-yes I think so."

"Good." The boy takes the largest suitcase after helping Evan lift the other suitcase and carry it as well. "To what room?"

"Uh, 302, but you can drop it off on the second floor." The boy snorts, shaking his head to brush away the strands of hair that block his vision.

"I'm going to the same floor, I'm in front of that room." He holds out a hand for her to take and stand up. "First year?"

"Yes ... that- is it very obvious?"

"No, no, you're only on the freshman floor, that's all." Evan nods. "What are you ... what are you studying?" Throat clears.

"Environmental law, h-how about you?"

"I am in my second year of Biotechnology." The boy doesn't sound happy when he says it. Evan doesn't think it's right to ask if that bothers him.

"Why are you er- on the freshman floor then?"

"They didn't move me, that's fine." Connor shrugs before lowering the suitcases to the floor. "Here we are." Evan did not realize when they arrived, but that was very fast. And Evan didn't want to stop talking to him.

"Thanks for helping me."

"Okay, not a problem." The two remain making eye contact for what Evan feels has been hours and he surprises himself when he doesn't look away instantly. He watches the boy's face in front of him. There are dark circles under his eyes and a large handful of moles on his neck and under his ear, but it are hardly visible because long hair hides them. He also see the long eyelashes and thin pale lips.

If only he could kiss him.

He denies, he is not supposed to think this.

This guy was just nice, he doesn't want to ruin that.

Evan is about to ask his name when the door opens revealing Jared Kleinman with a sly smile.

"Hansen, see you again."

* * *

The next time Evan sees Connor after the video game afternoon in Michael and Jeremy's room is at the fast food restaurant near the university. It's Thursday, the Christmas holidays are near and most of the students have already started partying. Today the party's owner was Alana Beck. Of course, Evan wasn't invited, but it's not like he decided to go either way.

Evan is so focused on his cell phone that he doesn't notice when Connor Murphy enters the restaurant until a call prompts him to look up and there he's, as pretty as ever, but today he's wearing the yellow sweatshirt.

However, the most attractive thing about Connor this time is not the yellow color that gives his brown hair a shine, but that same hair tied in a messy bun revealing the polka dot sky on his neck just below the ears.

Connor sees him sitting at a table and comes over to greet with a small smile that if Evan could afford the privilege of imagining, it seems to be dedicated only to him. It is not the way he smiles at his brother, or at the pretty girl who comes to his room every Friday without fail, and that makes him want to believe that there's something special between them. Even if it's just an illusion, he wants to imagine that there's a world where he can hold Connor's hand.

Evan watches Murphy's every step in slow motion like he's in an old movie. Suddenly Connor's standing in front of him with his food order in his hands. The boy runs his tongue over his chapped lips and clears his throat before moving his lips to wave.

"Are you with someone?" Evan nods. He always goes out to eat with Michael and his brother, usually after Michael finishes his rehearsal in the theater, but today Jeremy had a fight with Michael and they are taking an hour later to eat.

"Jeremy is in the bathroom," he explains.

"I see, what about Mell? Is he not with you today or is he accompanying Heere?" Connor tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. Evan gulps, but his mouth feels dry for some reason.

How can a hairstyle change make feel him like this? He looked like a ridiculous thirteen-year-old teenager in the prime of hormones.

"They argued today, I don't know w-why." He explains. "Do you want to uh ... sit down?"

"I don't want to bother your brother." Connor points behind him. Jeremy grumbles as he leaves the bathroom as he heads to the table with the cell phone in hand.

"I don't think it bothers him as long as you're not Michael like, right now." Evan smiles at him before Jeremy arrives and throws himself onto his place at the table.

"He wants to talk to me." Jeremy growled. Evan's lips twisted and he put a hand on his brother's hand. Jeremy finally noticed Connor's presence. "Sorry, hi, Connor."

"Heere." Connor nodded.

"I guess I'll go when we're done here." He lowered his head.

"Why don't you go at once? I can wait next to Evan."

"Are you sure? I can wait." Jeremy looks at his brother. "Evan?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah. If that's good for Connor and for- only if that's good for you two." Evan replied not knowing where to put his restless hands.

"I'm fine with that, don't worry about Hansen." Connor shrugged, keeping his gaze locked on Evan's blue eyes.

"Okay, fine, great." Jeremy muttered, putting on his coat in a hurry. He waved goodbye moving his hand side to side. "Thanks Connor. Goodbye Evan."

The two boys wave their hands when Jeremy leaves the restaurant. His attention stays on the boy who just left until he's completely lost from his field of vision.

Evan looked at his plate of food, he still had most of it. This was a problem he did not consider when he agreed to eat alongside Connor.

Eating with Connor meant eating in front of Connor.

He had overcome his discomfort with eating at restaurants when Mr. Heere and his brother came into his life. Heidi was still as busy as ever, now working at a law firm run by one of her night school teachers, so Evan stopped ordering pizza and started going to restaurants. Of course it was incredibly difficult at first, but Mr. Heere was in charge of finding a table in the back to avoid Evan having problems.

Sometimes his stepfather called the places they were going to eat to apart the same table in the back for them.

  
And now Evan was able to sit anywhere, which was a breakthrough for him considering the years before. He just walked around repeating the same thing over and over: "No one cares, no one is watching you, if you're wrong they won't remember you," and it worked most of the time.

At first it worked, but not now, not when he has Connor Murphy in front of him and the idea that he's going to ruin it is so much on the table.

He has shaky hands, he could throw his drink and wet Connor's food, or in the worst case, Connor would realize how gross Evan was to eat and would see his horrible face and dirty fingers, Connor would see the big walking disaster Evan was, he would stop talking to him, push him away and then just- Jesus Christ, Evan shouldn't have ordered a hamburger.

"Ugh." Evan wailed.

"Is there a problem?" There was genuine concern in Connor's voice.

"No, no, just- I'm er ... everything's fine." Evan smiled, but the smile disappeared in less than a second.

"You don't seem very happy that I'm here." Connor sounded hurt. Evan hadn't heard him like that since the Halloween campfire.

"No, no, no." He moved his palms in front of the boy's face. "It's just ... it makes me uncomfortable to be seen eating." Evan waits for the laugh to sound, but it never comes, it's just the sound of things moving in front of him that he receives. "What are you doing, Connor?"

"I make a wall not to see you eat." Connor moved the condiment jars and reloaded the menu between them. It covered his entire face, but still showed Connor's beautiful eyes. "That seems better, doesn't it?"

Evan nodded with a blush that was glad Connor couldn't see through the menu.

Connor didn't stop touching Evan's knee with his own knee all afternoon.

And it's ... God, Evan loved him so much.

So much that it started to hurt.

* * *

The Halloween campfire was a special event at the university. A fun night out for the students seemed like a good idea. The real fun, in the words of the older ones, was in the separate parties that the students gave in their dormitories rather than the campfire.

Jared had spent the past few weeks talking about this as his chance to get a girlfriend, but that before that he needed the perfect Halloween costume. First he went from Leon Kennedy to any vampire arguing that this was sexier.

Although finally he didn't really plan anything and he left his room dressed like every year. The same dirty pirate costume. A bad imitation of the end of 'Monster House' because he was obsessed with that movie for at least seven years and then forgot that there were more options for Halloween costumes.

"'Why don't you stop judging me and show me what you're using for tonight?" Jared says from the full-length mirror inside a closet.

"Oh, I'm not... going to get out of here."

Jared turns dramatically and runs up to Evan jumping on him. "Like, you're not going to get out of here? It's Halloween."

"I don't have a costume and uhm... I don't like Halloween."

"Who in the name of Jesus Christ doesn't like Halloween?"

Evan says nothing, does not want to remember.

"It's boring?"

"You are boring, Hansen." Jared points a finger at him before returning to the mirror and finishing his makeup. Then he's ready and leaves the room promising to return with a new girlfriend. "Have the condoms ready for when I return."

He grimaces and rolls his eyes because Jared left without closing the door and now Evan has to go do it on his own, which wouldn't bother him if it wasn't because he's doing a movie storybook marathon from Dr. Seuss.

Then he slips on her slippers and goes to close the door when Connor's door opens abruptly and a girl storms out of the room. She yells at Connor to fuck off and he replies the same thing. Evan forgets that it's wrong to be a spectator right now, and doesn't realize he has been watching the scene until Connor looks at him and Evan apologizes before trying to close the door.

"Wait ..." Connor says in a different way than he just used with that girl. It's calmer, but still feels restless. "I'm sorry you saw that."

"No, sorry, I didn't realize I-I was looking. It was my fault ... Sorry."

"It's okay ..." Connor sighed. "Won't you go to the campfire?"

"¿M-me? No, no. Jeremy and Michael are busy with their haunted mansion and Jared went to-

"Get a girlfriend, I know. He's been telling me since the campfire was announced three weeks ago."

"Oh ... are you two frequent?" Evan bites the inside of his cheek, if Jared has spent time with Connor it's impossible that he didn't speak of more.

"Sometimes he comes to my room, it's impossible to get him out of here." Connor laughed.

"Won't you go to the campfire?"

Connor denies. "I don't like those people."

Silence falls in the hallway, the conversation fell, but surprisingly none move and it is not uncomfortable.

"I'm doing a Dr. Seuss movie marathon ... do you - do you want to come?" Connor is leaning against the door frame. She is wearing what Evan thinks is her pajamas. It's black pants and a dark blue Ravenclaw print shirt. But the shirt isn't long enough and Evan can see part of his stomach.

Little Evan who lives in his mind kicks him, he can't look at Connor like that.

"Of course." Connor closes the door behind him and walks to Evan, too close, and Evan forgets that he has to move to let Connor through.

His chest rises and falls, he can hear his own shaky and in-between breathing. Connor is raising his hand and now it's resting on Evan's chest, he stays there for a few seconds stroking the fabric with his finger and the touch makes him tremble instead.

Evan doesn't move, but he's shaking about to lose his balance.

A group of boys run down the hall, enough to get them out of their bubble. Evan backs into place pushing Connor aside. And they don't realize how awkward the situation is until the hall is alone and quiet again.

Just them.

Evan wants to ask Connor to come in so they can watch the movie, as if they can forget everything that happened. But that is not possible, Connor is backing down.

"Sorry I forgot I can't ... now I can't go with you."

Evan would lie if he didn't say those words hurt him. The hurt way Connor spoke broke him inside. He does not wait for Evan to say anything before entering his room with impressive speed.

He remains in the hallway not realizing that he hasn't moved, until his legs start to hurt. He ruined everything with Connor, did he realize that Evan was in love with him? Has he felt disgusted?

He closes the door when he's inside and ends up turning off the television to simply fall asleep with guilt on his chest and tears accumulating in his eyes.

The next morning, Jared doesn't have a new girlfriend, but contrary to what Evan believed, Connor doesn't ignore him.

* * *

That morning he wakes up happy, it's Christmas next week and it's his last day at university before heading home for the holidays.

The cold weather outside isn't enough to ruin his day. Not even when there's a knock on the door that anyone would call indecent hours to start social interaction at six in the morning. Evan opens the door to find Alana Beck fully sheltered and with a Santa Claus hat on her head.

"Hansen Evan and Kleinman Jared are invited to the Christmas dinner that we'll be organizing tonight before the holidays." Evan receives the invitation which is a red envelope with several gold bows. "Is Connor Murphy there?" She points the room in front. Evan nods, but Alana doesn't give him time to speak. "Can you give him this from Zoe? Tell him she'll be waiting for him. Anyway, see you tonight."

The girl waves her hand before going the way she got.

"Who the hell was it?" Jared asks sleepily from his bed.

"Her name is Zoe ..." Evan mutters.

"Zoe knocked on the door? Who is Zoe and why is she here at," Jared sees the clock on the desk. "It's fucking six in the morning."

"Connor's girlfriend is called Zoe."

"The what of whom?"

"Connor's girlfriend Jared!" Evan whines. "Connor's girlfriend is called Zoe."

"How are you so sure she's his girlfriend?"

"She always comes here, I've seen her following Connor on campus ..."

Jared rolls his eyes. "That says absolutely nothing, anyone without an ounce of love for their life would follow him around campus. That doesn't mean the jerk has a girlfriend."

Evan drops onto the bed. His amazing morning has just been completely ruined. He's supposed to go with his stepfather, Jeremy and Michael to have breakfast for an announcement that his brother and his best friend would make. And that was exciting until he discovered this.

After all, Jared was wrong, Connor wasn't gay, he wasn't an idiot, and he would never like someone as bad as Evan Hansen.

"Hey, he doesn't have a girlfriend, okay?"

The boy turns on the bed and puts the blanket back over his entire body. After all, it was too early to start the day with a broken heart. Evan could cry as much as he wanted after eight in the morning.

"EVAN!" Evan falls out of bed at Jeremy's feet, frowning at him. "It's nine o'clock!" Jeremy walks to Evan's closet and searches through his things. "The reservation is at ten in the morning and you better take a shower right now in less than five minutes or you'll see me angry."

Evan looks at his puzzled brother before rushing to the shower and doing as he was told. The last time he saw him so upset was on his parents' wedding day. Michael's mothers were arranging the final details with Jeremy when one of his cousins spilled milkshake on his suit. Jeremy was red with anger and ran to find Michael to fix it.

Evan didn't understand what could be more important than his parents' wedding to make him look like this right now. Of course it was Evan's fault, he must have woken up early, but in his defense, his heart is broken for the first time on his vine and he doesn't know how else to deal with it.

"Evan Hansen, hurry up." Evan puts on the towel before getting out of the shower and getting dry. "Where's your bowtie?"

"I lost it." He leaves the bathroom with dry hair and a towel around his waist. He sits on his bed.

"Fine," Jeremy opens the door and knocks on Connor's door.

"Heere, what do you need?" Connor opens the door, carries a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Evan needs a bowtie, do you have one that you can lend me?" Instinctively Connor glances into the room and the first thing he sees is Evan shirtless. He almost spits out the coffee. Evan stops looking and moves from place.

"Here you go, Heere."

Jeremy gives Connor a curious look until a smile ends up drawing on the thin line that is his lips. "Thanks, man."

Evan's heart's still racing when Jeremy closes the door and hands him the bow tie. He's almost competently dressed.

"So ... Connor, huh?" Jeremy elbows him.

"I don't want to talk a-about that..."

"Why, it seems that you are reciprocated."

"He has girlfriend." Jeremy mutters an 'Oh' before apologizing. Neither is really good when it comes to feelings so they don't say anything else.

"Let's go?" Ask when Evan is ready.

"I still have to brush my teeth." Jeremy nods before letting him into the bathroom.

The restaurant's beautiful, it has an amazing view towards a garden full of snow covered trees. Christmas decoration warms Evan's heart. Sitting at the table are her stepfather and Michael.

"The place doesn't seem so elegant, Jer. Why did you make us dress so elegant?" Mr. Heere asks with a smile that is reciprocated by Michael.

"I have a special announcement, but I won't do until Heidi arrives and we have eaten."

"Your mother will not come, boys. The roads were blocked by snow."

Michael and Jeremy look scared. "We cannot do this without them here."

"We could call them." Evan suggests. "For them to listen."

"A videocall!" Michael thinks. Mr. Heere crashes all five with him.

"...It will not be the same."

"It is better than arriving with the news at Christmas dinner." Michael claps Jeremy on the back, he nods with a grimace.

"Let's call the girls and then eat to celebrate."

Evan is responsible for telling the plan to his mother and the pair of boys call Michael's mothers. When everyone syncs the call starts.

Jeremy is the one who starts, he doesn't know who to really turn to, but that doesn't stop him. He clears his throat and expels all the air he was holding.

"Michael and I found a studio willing to pay for our movie." Mr. Heere jumps out of the seat excited and runs to hug the two boys. Evan bumps his fists into both of them. Women on the phone cry excitedly.

"And that's not all." Jeremy says.

"Not?" Michael asks puzzled.

Jeremy is flushed and appears to be on the verge of passing out when he kneels down and extends trembling hands to Michael, pulls out a black box and shows a ring. No one is saying anything, not even Michael who seems to be the most surprised.

"Michael Mell, we have-" He clears his throat. "We have been together since I can remember, since the last year of high school I realized many things, one of it is that I don't want to spend my life with anyone other than you ... and if you- if you allow me, I would like to ask you to marry me..."

Everyone is so surprised that nobody says anything. The smile on Jeremy's face begins to drop as does his courage until Michael takes him by the lapels of his suit and draws him to himself for a kiss.

"Can I take that as a yes?" Ask when they separate. Michael nods.

"I would kill you if you didn't." The pair laughs over the sound of everyone's screams. Mr. Heere and Michael's mother are crying. Evan applauds before taking a picture of the two hugging.

_At least something good was going to come out of this day._

Evan is packing his things to go home when he remembers that he didn't give Connor the invitation.

Part of him doesn't want to go knock on the door because he feels that means saying goodbye to everything Connor is in his life, but he can't keep this and feel guilty for allowing Connor to leave his girlfriend standing ... for very much wanting to do it.

He decides to go deliver the invitation, it's just a quick thing. He doesn't have to be so drastic and eliminate his friendship from scratch, right?

Connor opens the door when Evan knocks. He has the suitcases at the door entrance, but there are still things in the place.

"Hello you."

Evan squeezes the letter between his fingers. "I came to deliver this to you, Alana said your girlfriend will wait for you tonight."

The boy in front of him looks at him puzzled, opening and closing his mouth several times. Evan decides he can't be here any longer and turns to go back to his room.

"I don't have a girlfriend, Evan."

"You.. not...?"

Connor laughs. "I am gay, Hansen."

"Oh ..." says Evan when he turns to see Connor. Connor raises an eyebrow.

"We can talk?"

Evan hasn't been in Connor's room many times, the last time was when he showed him some of his cassettes with songs that he argued were best heard from the original format. After that they didn't see each other much for the testing season. And their relationship fell shortly after Halloween night.

However, even though Evan hadn't been in Connor's room many times, he knew her from head to toe. He had memorized every poster and the mint scent mixed with cigarette for the scent that Connor used to use after smoking.

"I'll just get down to business ... I like you. I'm in love with you, Evan Hansen."

"What?"

Connor reaches out and cradles Evan's face in his hands. "I've been in love with you for months, probably since the first time I saw you in your stepfather's office ... and I think I love you."

"What...?"

"Won't you say something else?" Connor jokes, but Evan can see that his courage is fading and his voice is more pleading.

"Y-you are playing with me?" Evan needs to make sure this is not a gamble like in those movies where the hot guy pranks the ugly duckling.

"I would never do something like that to you." Connor said.

"How can I like you? Look at me." Connor takes Evan's hand.

"All I see is the most beautiful person I've ever seen before, Evan. I don't understand how you can't like yourself. You have amazing eyes and the most relaxing voice I've ever heard and all of you ... God, I can't say every single thing what I love about you ... "

Evan lets out a small laugh, it's not until a finger from Connor warms his cheek that he realizes he's been crying. "If I said everything I love about you you would probably call Jared so he can make fun of me."

"Jared has been trying to convince me that you are in love with me." Evan's face burns with embarrassment, of course Jared would say that to Connor. "I suppose he also told you that I was in love with you."

"He scoffed when I told him about your girlfriend." Evan babbles with his face hidden in his hands. Hear Connor laugh too. "What is so funny?"

"How did you come to the conclusion that I had a girlfriend?"

"That girl always comes, that's weird."

"She's my sister, Ev."

"Oh ..."

That makes more sense. The resemblance was incredible and now he feels like a fool because he should have known.

"Jared wrote a fanfiction about us."

"Who wouldn't? We are adorable?" Evan laughs.

"No one would write about me ..."

Evan looks down, getting closer to Connor. He raises his head to look at him and finds him staring at him.

"Can I ... uhm, can I k-k-kiss you?"

Connor lets out a wave of air that he seemed to have stored in his chest. "Yes ... please, yes."

_Then Evan launches himself off the cliff._

_Connor is there to catch him._

_And everything is fine._

**Author's Note:**

> I thank you very much if you have stopped by here to read, and I wish with all my heart that it wasn't a waste of time for you and that you enjoyed it.


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